Local Man Could Have Kicked Match Winning Goal
A SOUTH Perth man has revealed that not only is he capable of converting a shot at goal from a distance of 35 metres and on a 45 degree angle, but he would have done so where Isaac Smith failed — after the siren in front of the 80,000 person crowd at the MCG on Friday night with the Hawthorn Football Club’s entire finals campaign riding on his shot.
22 year old Leo Murphy emigrated from Sussex, England 3 years ago and has been an avid follower of Australian Rules Football since his host family first took him to a match in 2014. He claims to have kicked the football at the park “loads of times” and believes he would have been sufficiently skilled to convert the match-deciding shot at goal had Isaac Smith only been able to hand him the responsibility at the time.
Sadly there is no provision in the laws of the game which permits spectator substitution, meaning Smith was tasked with what Murphy describes as an “easy” kick, which he famously sliced, sinking the Hawks and sending Geelong into a preliminary final.
“I’ve only known about the game for a few years but I’ve picked up the skills pretty well, I can kick the ball well these days and I’m a great set shot,” said Murphy, who has admitted to loudly exclaiming how easy the shot was during Smith’s approach, drawing the ire of fellow viewers who were so divided as to whether or not the obnoxious tourist should have received an invite to their viewing party at all that they called a vote, which was defeated by a 4–1 majority. Controversially, the only person who voted for his invitation happened to be the host of the party who promptly ignored the results and added him to the group chat anyway. This decision by Emily “Em” McEnroe caused significant angst among the group and is expected to be the subject of a polite yet firm face-to-face sit down chat before the next scheduled football party.
Murphy, meanwhile, has pledged to return to his local primary school for a “kick” more often. He reports that in his most recent visit he kicked 16 goals from the 35 shots he took (editor’s note: Leo has since informed this publication that he considers 2 shots that grazed the post on the way in as goals, as the rule stating that shots that hit the post be awarded with a behind is “stupid and has never made any sense to me”). When asked how he reconciles this poor strike rate with his lofty claims regarding Smith’s kick, he simply stated that he “kicks the goals when they count.”
More as it unfolds.
